My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
