Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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