I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
