I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I puked a lego.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
