you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
