Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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