Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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