she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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