just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize