you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
