and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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