sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
