Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
