May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
