youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
