well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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