she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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