Got a toothbrush?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
