I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
