i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
