the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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