Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
