I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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