oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
