my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
