I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
