So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
