He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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