I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
