Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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