yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
