You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
