This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
