Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This baby is an asshole
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
