phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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