I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
