I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
