when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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