got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
