I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
