yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
