we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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