watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
