I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
