I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
