Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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