My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
