At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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