Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
