I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
