Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
