***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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