I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
