i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
