I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
