The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
