so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
