I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
