Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So many bounce houses so little time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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