She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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