So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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