My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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