I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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