I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
