No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
