I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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