1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
