The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
