So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
