K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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