wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
