my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
