I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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