I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
